Worth his While
by Starrbaby
Summary: Started as an adventure, but it escaped and became humor. I love screwing with my favorite easy mark.


"Simon . . ." The whisper jolted him awake. He almost shot straight up, only a small hand on his chest held him down. The hand's mate quickly covered his mouth. "Shhhhh." River whispered. "You'll wake Kaylee."

Simon's eyes adjusted and he saw River leaning over his bed. She motioned for him to follow her as she tiptoed out of the passenger dorms. Simon slowly rose from his bed careful not to disturb Kaylee. He slipped out of his room and met with River in the mess.

"What is it?" Simon rubbed his hand over his face trying to wake fully.

"It's Ben."

Simon's eyes flew open wide. He was awake now.

"Ben! What's wrong?"

"They're holding him. Waiting for us."

"How do you know this?"

Simon's stupid question was rewarded with one of River's "you're a boob" looks.

"Right . . ." Simon ran his now shaking hands through his black hair. "We've got to get him out of there. But we can't by ourselves."

"I can. All by myself." River straightened her spine to make herself a bit taller. A defiant look shot across her face.

"River, I think the captain would notice if you just happened take the ship to Artemis." Simon rubbed his temples.

"He can come too - if he wants."

"If you take Serenity, we're all going."

"Good." River shot both fists into the air. "Bring in the calvary."

Simon sighed. "Don't we always."

The next day, Simon had the crew surrounding the mess table. Mal was standing over River with both of his hands flat on the table. "What the gorram hell do you mean we're already on our way!"

River looked at her fingernails and displayed an air of boredom. She rolled her eyes and took her sweet time returning Mal's glare.

"Did I stutter?"

Mal turned beet red, "Why you . . I oughta."

Simon stepped between the two. His hands were palm open facing Mal.

"Calm down. Ben sacrificed a great deal to help me get River out of the Academy. Now they have him and are using him as bait."

Jayne leaned back in his chair and slapped his huge hands on his thighs, "So I've gotta idea. How about we all go someplace we know there's a trap waitin' for us?"

"Hate to say it, Doc." Mal shrugged, "But Jayne has a point."

Simon pursed his lips and stared icily at the Captian. "Gee, I don't know anyone else who was willing to enter a trap to save someone they cared about . . . who was being used as bait."

Mal clutched his hands into fists. His face returned to the red color it was earlier. Inara's face matched the captain's, and her eyes were trained on the table.

The room was silent. Slowly, Mal composed himself. "How do you even know this Ben guy's in trouble."

"River told me."

"And how does she know?"

River and Simon both gave Mal matching "you're a boob" looks.

"Right . . . " Mal ran his hand through his mussed hair.

Simon took a step back and addressed the entire crew. "Now, River and I are the only ones who owe this man. We are willing to do this on our own. We just need your cooperation in going off course. When we get to Artemis, it'll be River and me - "

"-and him." Slightly annoyed at being interrupted, Simon looked down to his sister. The look of shock on his face was matched by Jayne when they saw River pointing a thin finger at the mercenary.

Jayne slammed his chair back into the upright position. "Now wait a minute -"

The same bored look donned River's face. "We need your toys, and you're not libel to share. We need you to play with them for us."

A look of acceptance spread over Jayne's face. He leaned forward and scowled into River's face. "What's in it for me?"

River leaned forward and mirrored Jayne's stance and facial expression. "I'll make it worth your while."

Jayne's eyes widened slightly. He unsuccessfully tried to cover his shock at River's statement. "Oh yeah . .. how?"

River stood and walked over to Jayne's chair. Slowly she leaned down and held her lips close to his ear and whispered something.

Simon leaped to her side and yanked her away from Jayne by her long arm. "River! Get away from him! You don't know where he's been!" He spun her to face him. "What did you promise him?"

River turned her face from him and pretended not to hear him. Simon tightened his grip on River's arm, "What did you tell him!" River let her body go limp and closed her eyes. "Knock it off! This might have worked when we were kids, but not now!" Simon shook River's limp body. "I know you're not asleep!"

River just hung there with her eyes closed. Simon dropped her arm, and she flopped to the ground like a rag doll. "You are such a brat!" Simon stormed out of the mess.

After Simon left, River lifted her dark hair from her face with her forearm. One eye peeked open. A smile slowly spread across her face. She stood and looked at everyone. "Such an easy mark."

After the roar of laughter died down, the group slowly dispersed. Soon, only Jayne, Kaylee, and River were left in the mess.

Jayne cleared his throat. "So, um, when are you plannin' on makin' good with your promise?" He raised an eyebrow.

River looked him in the eye while Kaylee looked on with shock. "Anytime you want."

Jayne shrugged, "Now?"

"Okay."

"Lets go to my bunk then."

Jayne stood and the two left the room.

Kaylee watched after them with mouth and eyes agape. Simon came in apparently a bit calmer. "What's wrong, bao bei?" He sat next to Kaylee.

Kaylee looked at Simon and stammered a bit, "Now, Simon, . . .honey . . .try to keep calm - "

" - Where's River!"

"Simon, now she's an adult - "

"Where is she!" Simon jumped up.

Kaylee squeaked, "She went to give Jayne what she promised him."

Simon sprinted out of the room towards Jayne's bunk.

Simon skidded to a halt at the hatch of Jayne's bunk. He stopped and listened at the door. He could have sworn he heard River giggle. Then he heard Jayne groan. Simon's eyes darkened, and he clenched his fists. He heard Jayn mumble, "Damn, girl. Where'd you learn that?"

"River! Jayne!" Simon kicked on Jayne's hatch door. "Open this door!"

River hollered to Simon, "Grown up! I can decide what I do myself!"

"And she's gorram good at what she does herself, Doc!" Jayne called up.

Simon ground his teeth and ran back to the mess and grabbed Kaylee by the shoulders. "Get me a wrench, NOW!"

Kaylee ran to the engine room and clattered through her toolbox. She handed a heavy wrench to Simon who flailed back to Jayne's bunk.

He banged on the hatch with the wrench. "I swear I'll take the door apart!"

He was answered by a deep groan from Jayne's throat.

"Stop it!" Simon screamed.

"Don't have to!" called River.

"AAAAaaaargh!" growled Simon as he worked on one of the hinges with his wrench. After much tugging and grunting he yanked the peg out of the top hinge.

He was rewarded with another guttural moan from Jayne.

Simon turned purple, "I'll kill you, you son of a whore!" He strained on the second peg with the wrench.

"Ta ma de, girl! Right there!" Jayne growled.

"Aaaargh" Simon groaned as he braced his feet against the door and pulled on the wrench as hard as he could. The final peg slid out of the bottom hinge. Simon heaved himself against the door to push it out of the way. He spun around and slid down the ladder, not bothering with the rungs. After hitting the floor with a thud, he swung around and held the wrench over his head ready to bash Jayne's brains in.

Simon paused. The anger in his face dissolved into annoyance. He dropped his arm to his side and let the wrench fall to the floor with a clang.

There was Jayne with his shirt off sprawled on his bed, face down. River was perched on his bottom fully clothed. Her tiny lithe hands kneaded and rubbed the tense muscles in the mercenary's back. "Gorrem hell, that's nice." Jayne moaned. He looked up at Simon with a wicked grin. "Your sister gives a killer back rub, Doc."

Simon scowled, "I know. She used to rub my shoulders for me after med school finals."

"I can do this if I want, Simon." River snipped.

Simon rolled his eyes and spun on his heel. He picked up the wrench. He slowly climbed back up the ladder to the hallway. River continued rubbing Jayne's back while they listened to him put Jayne's heavy door back on the hinges.

"What was his problem?" Jayne mumbled into his pillow.

"He though we were having sex." River shrugged.

"Oh" said Jayne "Diry mind."


End file.
